Pre-contemplative
drunk.
Now I just keep going over
and the same old thoughts
Resentments
disappointments and oughts
No matter how hard I drain
this glass, I can’t get it out of my head
The pain unforgiving
anxiety and dread
I keep looking back over
all the wrong that was done to me and the wrong I have done to others
The torment and abuse lack
of love and care fighting stealing and manipulating
I hide from the world my
body and my future and past, I shall lie here silently under the
covers
I find life quite
frustrating and debilitating
Still it’s been so long
since I existed in the now
My interests have dwindled friendship
groups shrunk
I want to change but I
lack the strength and don’t know how
So to ease the aching and
oppressive feelings I get drunk
Disordered and unchecked
emotions lead me to drinking these poisonous potions
Scared that I will die
unloved and not even missed
Days pass blurring into
one I’m out of touch just going through the motions
That is the real reason I
shout and scream and bawl and cry and seem perpetually pissed
I know it needs to stop
its killing me and those who care about me, and this choice
However I shall, I will
fight this illness, madness and sadness
I shall let these
ruminations go, learn to regain my voice
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