Monday, 11 June 2012



Pre-contemplative drunk.

Now I just keep going over and the same old thoughts

Resentments disappointments and oughts

No matter how hard I drain this glass, I can’t get it out of my head

The pain unforgiving anxiety and dread

I keep looking back over all the wrong that was done to me and the wrong I have done to others

The torment and abuse lack of love and care fighting stealing and manipulating

I hide from the world my body and my future and past, I shall lie here silently under the covers

I find life quite frustrating and debilitating

Still it’s been so long since I existed in the now

My interests have dwindled friendship groups shrunk

I want to change but I lack the strength and don’t know how

So to ease the aching and oppressive feelings I get drunk

Disordered and unchecked emotions lead me to drinking these poisonous potions

Scared that I will die unloved and not even missed

Days pass blurring into one I’m out of touch just going through the motions

That is the real reason I shout and scream and bawl and cry and seem perpetually pissed

I know it needs to stop its killing me and those who care about me, and this choice

However I shall, I will fight this illness, madness and sadness

I shall let these ruminations go, learn to regain my voice

Also I will take what help I need in my quest for soberness and happiness.


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